The Woes of Freedom.

I am awful about updating blogs.  In all honesty, I found myself so crazed and busy while working at WC, I barely had time to make dinner for myself and relax, let alone remember to update. 

So WC is done and gone.  I didn't pass their probation period, and was let go by the senior tech in the beginning of March.  While I think it could have been done better, we made a clean break and ended on (fairly) good terms.  I kind of knew it was coming - I felt that as the last few weeks approached, I was slowly being phased out of certain tasks (surgeries, lessons, procedures, etc.) and some people who probably had the inside track started acting differently towards me.  Pretty badly, to be honest.  But I realize now that I wouldn't have been happy had I stayed there, and I was so stressed out at the end that I lost my appetite entirely for about two weeks.  Not necessary.  So while it was disappointing to not be able to get a foothold in a tech job right from the start, I realize now that it was in my best interests not to stay on.

So naturally, this leaves me sitting around, saying, "...now what?".  After I left, I spent some time thinking long and hard about what I wanted in my next job (I mean, after I spent hours ranting and making wild frustrated gestures to Baz, and to my mother over the phone), and even now I'm not entirely sure.  One thing I did want was to start off at a place part-time, with the option in the future to work full-time, as a way to sort of ease myself into the situation.  Another thing I want is a much smaller practice - a nine doctor practice was too overwhelming for me, being so new to it all.  Other things aren't as important - location, salary, etc., since I'm willing to compromise for experience.

Admittedly, one of the reasons I want to work part-time as a veterinary technician is because working full-time made me appreciate my free time so much more.  I had never worked a full-time job before, and the hours were daunting (being a tech requires so much out of your body - no desk job here!), not to mention my commute was almost an hour each day with a frustrating transfer at Times Square.  I was up at 6:20am, out the door by 6:55, at work from 8am-4pm (often staying later), and usually back home sometime around 5:30-6:00pm or so.  Some days were 8am-7pm.  Those were awful.  My first day of being unemployed, it felt weird to not go to work, and I had been there less than 5 months.  I imagine someone who's had the same job for 20 years who gets fired must feel like they're going insane those first few days, if not weeks.  

But I gradually settled into the *arduous* task of sleeping in, getting to do all the things I hadn't been able to do for the last 5 months (laundry, shopping, staying up late, going out and enjoying the sun), and I've been enjoying it very much.  This is actually the first time in my life that I have had neither job nor school to worry about (if you'll exclude the brief, traumatizing two months following my graduation from art school), and it's a bit nice to just be able to BREATHE.  Additionally, Baz is a fan of my funemployment as well - he's self-employed from home, and has been claiming a monopoly on my time since his schedule is so flexible.  How he gets any work done is beyond me, but I'm relishing being able to spend so much time with him that I don't even ask.  The days we spend together have far been outnumbering the days we spend apart, and a whole day spent not seeing him is almost alien.  I'm a big fan, though it is new for me to be seeing a boyfriend so frequently (compared to past boyfriends, anyhow).

As I have come to enjoy my extensive amount of free time, I have also gotten restless.  Also, I like making money (what a shock).  So naturally, I am trying to figure out what I want to be doing.  Lately, I've been revisiting (frequently) the idea of getting back into illustration.  You remember - that thing I did for what, 13 years of my life?  That thing I went to middle school, high school, and two colleges for?  Maybe I should go back to that, on the side at the very least.  Baz has been trying to get me to get back into it since he saw my portfolio months ago (and "pooped bricks" when he saw it, might I add), and I can't say I'm not tempted.  I actually tutored him about a week ago with a crash course in drawing at Union Square for a few hours, which was fun until the cold got to us.  But it made me remember my years in art school, and how fun it was to do that sort of thing.  Sadly, my creative know-how is mush, seeing as I haven't drawn in almost five years, and the eye-hand-pencil coordination ain't what it used to be.  Undoubtedly, those years of veterinary nursing probably rewired my brain to act differently i.e. not that of a carefree artist, so I'm not sure I'll ever be able to re-grasp the original approach I had to art in my younger years.

Still, I do miss creating, and five years is a long time.  Besides, it would be fun to render llamas (my power animal) once again:

 

So there it is.  Vet tech? Artist? I don't know as of yet.  Still trying to find my comfort nook.  But I am receptive to the doors opening in my life right now.  Hopefully they'll bring me somewhere amazing.